


that no thoughts kid

by irisdecent cloud (jeadore)



Category: JBJ (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Kim Yongguk-centric, M/M, the yongshi is actually hinted but i'm trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 17:00:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12822018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeadore/pseuds/irisdecent%20cloud
Summary: Longguo doesn’t know where to call ‘home’ anymore.





	that no thoughts kid

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm, hi~! First JBJ fic here. And ofc it had to be a character study of my fave cat parent.  
> I wrote this chunk in a day and for some reason in english (and it's not really betaed) so please tell me of any mistake. I hope you enjoy it tho! And give some love to JBJ and Longguo♥

Longguo doesn’t know where to call ‘home’ anymore.

 

 

At first was kind of easy. Jilin is his hometown, a place whose streets he knows by heart and every corner holds a childhood memory. That playground over there? That’s where Longguo fell after chasing a cute small animal with a long tail. And that building at the right? His middle school, where he learnt the basics of his passion.

South Korea was just business. Simple maths really: K-pop was the trend during his high school years and it’s way easier to find success in a country with a lot less inhabitants. Other seniors did it and now their faces were plastered all over China.  And the language wasn’t a problem; Korean rolled off his tongue in between internet games and daily chats with the nice _ajjumma_ of the Korean restaurant.

So he got himself an audition, booked a flight, said goodbye to his mother and friends. Promised to go back home soon, with hordes of fans and tons of fame.

 

 

 

He went back home sooner than he thought.

South Korea wasn’t as easy as he expected. The training was hard, the people was ruthless and the language was way tougher and vaster than what he was used to see on the internet. He’d have liked to try and talk with the other trainees in between practices and classes, but everything in Loen Ent felt like a competition and nobody seemed to have time to explain him the differences between speeches. His shy personality may haven’t helped either.

Longguo stumbled through corridors and streets filled with signs he could barely read and scents that reminded him of China on how similar and extremely different were. There were rice and beer and fried noodles and even pork dumplings, but it weren’t the same. There was also this weird feeling in his gut that took him some time to recognize as hopelessness.

He missed his mother and his friends and the sensation of hearing any word and understanding its meaning immediately. He missed so bad that he pushed his own disapproval back at the back of his head, just so he could hug again that familiar feeling of being home.

But a few months later he found himself standing in front of his neighbourhood’s Korean BBQ restaurant looking for bibimbap and soju. He sung under his breath a Crush’s song while he was reading his weibo timeline. His friends were at their university classes and he was just there, singing alone.

When the nice _ajjumma_ asked him what did he want, something like resolution built up in Longguo. Soju and a plane ticket to Seoul, please. _Kamsahamnida._

 

 

 

He ended up in a small company this time. Simple maths again: less trainees, more possibilities of debuting. Maybe he wouldn’t get as much fame as he once dreamed, but the ambient would be cosier and less competitive —or so he convinced himself the day he left his bag at Choon Ent.’s dorm. He was okay with that, really.

Another trainee appeared not so long after. Kim Won had a round face and a tendency to talk when he was nervous and when Longguo kept silence. Was charming in his own way and Longguo was attracted to his determination to shine.

“In this industry it’s fine to have two names: birth name and stage name. Something like your Korean and your Chinese name. Kim Yongguk, Jin Longguo; you choose which one you want to be called with. I’ve chosen Kim Shihyun. That’d be my only one.”

Kim Shihyun became more of a friend than a competitor, he learnt to read Longguo right even without knowing an ounce of Chinese. It was fine, now he expanded his Korean more and more just by listening the soft and friendly tone.

 

 

 

They adopted a cat —or better be said: Longguo adopted one. A black and white cute little thing that meowed at every hour and turned their dorm life upside down. It filled Longguo with bliss and gave him something to occupy his thoughts with.

He sent his mother a picture of it sleeping on top of Shihyun. “The name’s Tolbi,” he added after the brief discussion with mixed Chinese, English and Korean where his roommate had no chance of winning.

“Cute. Glad you’re happy.”

 _Oh_.

 

 

 

Then Produce 101 happened.

It was his first year in Korea all over again, but tenfold increased and camera-followed. Especially when Shihyun had to drop out, dropping out even his resolution to shine.

 

 

 

Longguo doesn’t want to talk about it. At least he made some friends.

 

 

 

Choon Ent had plans for them, the fans had plans for them and Longguo —Longguo just wanted to pet Tolbi in the safety of his bed. But Tolbi had grown up a little by then and tried to run away, so Longguo coaxed it to stay in his lap just like he coaxed himself to not run away again. It was tempting; pack his luggage, take the bus to the Gimpo Airport, get his more-than-needed hug, eat some home-made pork hot pot, watch variety shows with his mom or knock himself out with rice beer with his friends. He even wanted to go to America, visit his dad and meet his step-sister.

Shihyun brought meat and soju to the dorm when he came back from vocal training. “CEO’s getting us a Devine Channel song,” he informed him before releasing Tolbi from Longguo’s crushing hug. “Funny little thing: he didn’t stop meowing when you weren’t here and now he’s like this. I guess he needs to feel you around to feel at home.”

Longguo blinked a few times before straightening his back. “Can we get another one?”

“We’re debuting in a week.” Longguo shrugged his shoulders. Shihyun sighed, “Sure.”

 

 

 

This time he sent his mother a short video of Tolbi playing with a new tiny adorable thing. “Her name’s Rcy,” he said in Chinese and between laughs. Again Shihyun had no chance in picking the name. “So Tolbi doesn’t feel alone when I’m not home.”

His mother’s reply came right away and caught Longguo a little off-guard, enough for him to forget to tell her that he didn’t only get another cat, but also a double contract.

“If you keep like this, you’ll come back home with a dozen of cats.”

 

 

 

Seoul in summer was boiling hot. If it weren’t for all those schedules indoors with Shihyun, in broadcasting stations and skyscrapers, he’d have missed the chilling breeze of Jilin’s summer at the riverside.

Even with the air con on, the stage bright lights were too hot sometimes. But Shihyun shined under them, he shined under them, and it was what he had wanted all along.

Somehow it felt kind of short.

 

 

 

Fans had wished to have a special group with those trainees Korea didn’t pay special attention to. He was quite happy and proud of being one of those, to have gained quite a great fanbase ready to fight for him. And for his friends —because most of them became his friends, misery loves company and all that. Fans wished and fans got it.

JBJ was coming true.

Longguo felt like everything was exciting and a little rushed and maybe a little more than scary. It didn’t give him the same anxiousness as Produce 101 and being there without Shihyun, but it reminded him of when he came to South Korea for the second time. Everything was known and strange at the same time and he was as lost as he was determined.

He stopped himself in the midst of packing his luggage and looked at Shihyun, whom was forcing Rcy inside her cage. “Isn’t it ironic that I ran away from Loen just to be now part of one of their project groups?”

Shihyun made a face when Rcy escaped. Then he smiled. “Well, you’ll always have here.”

Longguo nodded and continued packing, the corners of his lips tugged upwards.

 

 

 

The new dorm was spacious and luxurious and his new groupmates were even sillier than he thought. There’s a huge abyss from meeting once in a while to living together for months, but the set some ground rules and got along really well. It felt more as family as he ever imagined. He lost his initial shyness pretty quickly and played around mindlessly. Maybe the fact that they took care of Tolbi and Rcy helped, maybe the fact that they were rushed from one schedule to their reality show to the next schedule did it.

Hyunbin talked to them about touring around Seoul and Donghan mentioned all the tasty food they could try in almost every district. From gopchang to spiced fried chicken without forgetting patbingsu. But they had a trip to do and in between of suggestions of European countries, Longguo said Harbin. “I want to see the Snow Festival,” but maybe he just meant China. Sweet and sour pork, rice beer and congee. Dumplings and mandarin.

It didn’t mattered at the end because they were boarded on a plane and sent to Sapporo. There he saw how Kenta brightened even more, bright teary eyes while he talked to everyone in a mix of Korean and Japanese. Kenta taught them phrases and manners and Longguo found it right to let him finish the ramen and his natto.

He bought a few souvenirs for his cats, his mother and Shihyun at the airport shopping area. “I can’t believe we are already coming back,” Kenta muttered. Longguo patted his head.

 

 

 

It took Longguo a while to note that when Donghan used his maknae position to its full power and whined about being tired, Taehyun replied with a “Once more and then we go back to the dorm.”

But it wasn’t until Shihyun sent him an apologize because he wouldn’t make it to JBJ’s showcase and Sanggyun tried to soothing him with a “Yeah, some of my members neither” that Longguo realized it.

Taehyun and Sanggyun loved JBJ without a doubt, but it wasn’t near to home.

 

 

 

They made JBJ work. A fantasy come true.

They grew extremely attached to each other, but nostalgia was always tugging at the back of his mind.

 

 

 

He read about it once. On the internet maybe. _Dépaysement_. The feeling of disconnection, of not belonging. Of not being home even when you’re home. Longguo’s not sure, he has never been good with words even if his Korean is more than acceptable now. It’s not simple maths either.

Maybe it’s linked to the place, maybe to the people. Maybe it’s linked to the soul —and maybe Longguo’s screwed. His soul has divided and shattered and plastered in so many things, so many people. In Seoul, the place he has started to fall in love with, and in his fans. Perhaps it’s in JBJ or Tolbi and Rcy. Perhaps it’s Shihyun. Or perhaps it’s only the place he grew up in.

He asks himself if his groupmates have the same doubt.  Where does Kenta call ‘home’? Who do Taehyun and Sanggyun call ‘home’? What do Hyunbin and Donghan think about as ‘home’?

They could enlighten him. They could understand him.

 

 

 

Or not.

 

 

 

So when an interviewer asks who would they like to be for a day and Taehyun answers his name because “I’d like to know what it feels like to not think in anything”, Longguo laughs along.

 _Yeah, same_.


End file.
